I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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