i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
