12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize