Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
