I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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