He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
