I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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