I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
