first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
