i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
