don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
