I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
