You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
