got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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