i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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