what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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