Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
