every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
