Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
