Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
