Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
