talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
