found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
