i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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