I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
