i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
