ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
