Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
