I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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