I hate all girls vehemently.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
