I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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