i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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