i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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