dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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