My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
