Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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