I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
