is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
