dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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