It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
