Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
