We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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