when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
