Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
