How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
