Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A+ Viking dick
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
