all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize