Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
