dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
