Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
