3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
