Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
