If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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