I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
