hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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