Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
