Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
