Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize