Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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