forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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