Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
