i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
