GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
