Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
