we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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