FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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