please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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