I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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