i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
